Jan 13, 2010

Mind and Body

I lost 3 more pounds in the last week, on top of the 2 pounds lost the week before. As I stated last week, it's making me a little nervous. Losing weight this quickly, my mind has trouble keeping up with my body as far as getting used to the changes. I want to do this slowly and methodically, and make it a part of my life forever... I want my body to be on board with that plan, but it seems to be pretty excited to be working well again, and ready to get to working even better.

I have always loved imagining the relationship between my mind and body. I've never felt like my mind and body are the same entity. Maybe part of this journey will be getting them to be just that, working in sync with each other, each happy with the other's point of view. See? Still, even when I talk about a future where they are in sync, it's not that they will be one, just that they will be in agreement.

Before, when I was eating poorly, consuming whatever my brain wanted in whatever quantity it wanted, I think my body was very depressed. He (he? seriously, Laura? but yeah, he) had been beaten down for so long, abused and uncared for, given empty calorie after empty calorie with no concern whatsoever for what he actually needed, that he was defeated. He had all but given up on having any control in this relationship with my mind.

At the same time, my mind was appeased, but never satisfied. She kept thinking that more food would bring more of the good feeling that comes with food, and that there was no better way to obtain that feeling. She was vaguely aware (because she is well-educated) that good food yields healthy and happy mind, but the more she got crappy food, the easier it was to forget that fact.

So on they continued, talking very little to each other, one pigging out for the benefit of the other, hating himself for it. The other reaping the benefits of the pigging out, trying to shut her eyes to the havoc it was reeking on her counterpart.

And now? Well, my body is loving life! He is so pleased with himself, able to do more exercise every day, shedding the pounds of years of regret, ready to take on the world! His positive response to this healthy lifestyle has led to many outward successes, including smaller jeans and the ability to start training for a 5k run.

Mind? Well, she is coming along. She still sees a big fat body in the mirror, and she sees some flab that will never go away. She asks herself if that's out of her control, because of beautiful babies who once lived in there. She feels guilt for having oppressed the body in her control for so long. She's happy to see that he is thriving, and she wants to be right there with him, but it's harder for her to change. She wants to slow him down, reign him in a bit, but fears that would lead to her completely taking over control again. She knows that control should be shared. So, Mind trudges on, somewhat behind Body, but hoping that her pace and his will meet up again soon. They should get to know each other again, after all.


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