Jan 7, 2010

Why am I discouraged by progress?

First of all, I have a process (as I think everybody does) of getting on the scale. I only do it at a certain time of day, and clothed in the same kind of clothing. My theory is that surely I weigh the least early in the morning when I wake up, after peeing. I figure I'm dessicated enough from not drinking anything while sleeping all night, I'm not waterlogged from the shower, hair is dry, usually wearing light clothes anyway. (Personally, I don't think taking off those last two very light pieces of clothing could possibly affect my weight on the scale, so I always keep them on.) I do not weigh on any set schedule, only when I feel like I have probably lost some weight, or when I'm particularly curious... usually 2-3 times per week.

When I weigh myself and I have not lost a pound, or am up a pound or two, I resolve to do better. I will sometimes be disappointed with myself, and usually I know where I have gone wrong in the last few days. I'm usually not terribly surprised by the number I see. Typically I do well healthy-wise after a stubborn scale reading.

When I weigh myself and I have lost a pound or two, I am of course very happy--but then! Then for some reason I get discouraged; I start to feel like there's no point in all of this. I feel like I want to eat things that I shouldn't eat, or eat too much of them. I consider baking cookies or brownies. I eat cheesecake three evenings in a row.

I'm pretty sure that what my problem is is that I love a challenge. I know that about myself for sure. I love when somebody (or, the scale) thinks I can't do this. When somebody is saying "whatever, Laura. Nice try, but it's not gonna happen." I thrive on that, apparently. Because when somebody (the scale) says "Wow, good job! Here ya go!" I'm like "eh. whatever." It's insane, and I need to get over it. I am actually afraid to step on the scale again, afraid that it will say I'm down another pound.

I had that great post a few weeks ago bragging about my gentle downward slope, and now the last few days on my chart look like I would fall down walking that line. I think about people who have said "Good job losing slowly. That's the best way to do it. Those pounds will NEVER come back." So, what about the fast pounds? Am I more likely to gain them back?

The reason I've lost a few pounds this week are these: 1, I am eating right; 2, I am exercising; 3, my body is catching up from not having lost much in the last few months, even though I'd been mostly eating right and mostly exercising. I know why it's happening, for cryin' out loud that's the whole point! Right?

So anyway, all that to say I'm down 2 more pounds this week. One over the weekend, and one more when I weighed on Tuesday. And now I'm terrified to get back on the scale. How crazy is that?


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