Jun 29, 2015

A little darkness, a few facts

I'm trying to think of a way to say this and also be loving to myself; after all, I've been working on loving myself lately. I've practiced looking in the mirror and loving what I see. I've been sharing pictures of beautiful, healthy meal choices with my dear sisters. I've been listening to those sisters' advice--we all have great, loving feelings to share with each other. Defending your sister against herself comes naturally for us; yet, when no one's looking, I judge myself with rules fit for no one. I am without mercy when it comes to me.

I need to get out of the dark spaces of my mind and into the places that shine, warm and welcoming.

(I know I've read somebody who wrote something like that. I'm just paraphrasing)

So, the facts (something I'm good at):

  1. My feet hurt - I've written about this before, but for me, when I am wincing with every step, it's always a sign from my body that it can't carry this much. 
  2. I'm not yet ready to show my weight chart, but it clearly shows why my feet hurt. I'm 45 pounds above my (quite modest) goal weight, which is the weight I was when I was at the height of running 5k's regularly.
  3. I've been drinking too much - Pretty much every day, heavily a couple times per week. I use it to cope with stress, and like it does, alcohol later makes me feel physically abused.
  1. For feet: ibuprofen. There's nothing more to be done until I get some of the weight off that is killing my feet. 
  2. For weight: food & exercise. I don't have a choice (see #1). I must eat good food in reasonable amounts, and start with modest cardio and strength training (3x/week for now). 
  3. For drinking: I'm giving it up for the month of July (started 2 days ago). I need to see what it's like, see how I feel differently both in my brain and in my body. 
Thank you for reading this, and please help me in whatever way you feel you can. Like most of us, I have trouble asking--but I need help. If difficult conversations aren't your thing, no problem--ask me about facts: Are you still not drinking? What workouts are you doing? What are you eating? I'm always up for tough conversations though, and I don't mind answering hard questions. I'll do whatever I have to do, because I love my life and I am worth it. 

Thank you.


Yum Yucky said...

Hi Laura. It takes a lot of guts to put things out there as you've done in this post. Being honest with yourself about where you are at is a very important step to change and healing. You have my 100% support, even if it's just me coming here to read and listen to what you have to say. I am in your corner and will always be your cheerleader.

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